Challenges can be broadly defined as a demanding situation which prompts a certain reaction. Thus, the challenges of life might refer to the difficulties one might encounter when going through the process of life. Therefore, such challenges may include finding a job, and adapting to different lifestyles, etc.
These challenges bring out the best in young adults in their response to the challenge. For example, a challenge might be difficulty in finding a job- if the individual is repeatedly turned down. In such a case, they would probably respond by working harder or trying to gain new skills to make themselves a better candidate for the job. This example encompasses the values of perseverance and hard work. These values will be valuable to them in the later stages of their life. Thus, these challenges do bring out the best in young adults.
Some people might say that young people might give up in the face of adversity. An example might be students who drop out of Secondary School or University. However, some of these dropouts actually learn more from life than from their school, and later become successful people. An example of a university dropout is Steve Jobs, who dropped out of Reed Collage. He later went on to establish Apple, an extremely successful computer company. Another such example would be Bill Gates, who after dropping out of university, set up Microsoft, a software company, which produced the widest used Operating System.
Therefore, the challenges of life does bring out the best in young people.
It is good that you actually stick close enough to the title. However, I feel that you've been using far too much examples throughout your essay. Yes, examples are essential, but they should not be taking up more than half of your essay. You may want to explain more and use only those examples which are really good, which in this case, the Steve Jobs example was rather appropriate. Another point to note is your introduction and your end. I believe that both your thesis statement and your conclusion is not able to start and end the essay well as it lacked the depth of the question, especially your ending. As what a conclusion in an essay should be, you should bring out a better final insight for your topic.
ReplyDeleteOverall the essay was relevant. However regarding the part which you stated that "These challenges bring out the best in young adults in their response to the challenge", I felt that you took a big risk as is quite a personal assumption. We have to admit that there are lazy people in this society, but they remain a minority. What could have been better was to use the word "most" which would make it harder to dispute against.
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